Anyway, the letter follows. After his is the letter I am giving to Zee's preschool teachers as well. But only because she is extremely verbal and extremely sensitive about our non-standard-issue family. She is actually in the same room with the same teachers Boo had last year, but holey moley do I have two wildly different children. Which is why it never occurred to me to write letters last year. And also why I am giving one to them now, since their only real point of reference is Boo.
I plan to write some version of this letter to their teachers every year from now on. And because I am a control freak and perhaps a bit obsessive? I gave copies to Boo's principal, school counselor and speech therapist who is managing his IEP. It was actually rather difficult for a person like me who prefers to get along with everyone and not make any waves the majority of the time. Because you know the thought I saw flash across their faces: "Good grief...this one is starting early, isn't she?" Indeed. Indeed I am.
As for giving credit where credit is due...the bulk of the letters are copied from a fabulously informative post on Our Little Tongginator and from the referenced Amy Klatzkin article at Adoptive Families (though I didn't totally love AK's tone and tried to bring it down a notch...not sure I succeeded though...it was late/early).
***
Dear Mrs. P,
This is a quick note to introduce our family a bit more and let you know how excited our son is to be joining your kindergarten class this year.
Our son goes by the name (Boo). He is a very energetic, jovial and curious little man who usually enjoys being very helpful with various routines throughout the day, once he learns them. He definitely thrives in a more structured environment with clear expectations and boundaries. He will likely have a hard time when we leave today, but should recover quickly and may or may not have a hard time on Monday. He has come a long way in overcoming some severe separation anxiety.
As you know, our family was formed through adoption. Boo was born in Ethiopia, located in the Horn of Africa, and was adopted as a toddler, at the same time as his sister Zee, who was an infant.
Boo does not seem to be very aware of the differences in our family, though we openly talk about adoption and race, but we suspect this is gradually changing with the progress of his communication abilities.
Just as a point of reference, we thought it might be beneficial to provide you with some sample questions you may hear in the classroom, with answers suggested in the manner in which we talk about adoption to Boo.
Q: Why doesn't Boo look like his parents?
A: He was born in Ethiopia and his parents adopted him when he was a toddler. His parents are European American with vanilla skin; he is Ethiopian American with chocolate skin.
Q: Where are Boo's real parents?
A: Boo's real parents are the parents who are raising him, Finch and Ahdra. He also has birthparents in Ethiopia, who gave birth to him (we usually use the terms Africa Momma & Daddy).
Optional expansion: Boo has two sets of “real” parents. His birthparents are real, as he was born to them. His American parents are real, as they are raising him and he is their son.
Q: Where is Boo from?
A: He is from (this state). He was born in Ethiopia, but he is now a U.S. citizen.
Q: Did it cost a lot to adopt him?
A: This is like asking how much your parents paid for the doctor and hospital when you were born. In adoption, there are other costs involved, like fees to the adoption agencies, professionals, and attorneys to cover the legal and social work involved in completing an adoption.
Q: Why didn’t his first family want him? Didn’t they love him?
A: They probably loved him very much, but knew that they couldn’t take care of any baby at that time. They wanted Boo to be raised by a family that would love him and could take care of him forever. Adoptions always happen for grown-up reasons, and are never the result of anything a child does.
Q: Why didn’t Boo’s parents have babies the regular way?
A: Boo’s parents both worked overseas before they were married and they saw that there were many little children in the countries where they worked who didn’t have families to love and care for them. That made Boo’s parents very, very, very sad. So, after they got married, when they decided they wanted to start their family, they chose to adopt their children instead of have babies the other way.
Ultimately, we believe that families are created through love, respect, and caring and not solely through genetic connections. And that differences in families aren’t bad, they are just different; which is what we always seek to teach Boo. Thank you for helping us communicate this to his classmates as well.
Throughout the school year, we would like to share some great educational resources about adoption, family trees, positive adoption language, Ethiopia, etc. Our family is very active within the Ethiopian adoption community, as well as the local Ethiopian immigrant community, so we have access to some fun resources.
To start, we would love to donate some new books to the school library, if they don’t already have them, which are adoption-specific and appropriate for kindergartners through about fourth grade and/or educators. “Adoptive Families” magazine included all of these books on their suggestion list for school library donations. Should we bring the titles to you at our first conference, or would it be best to take them directly to the school library?
Again, Boo is very excited for his first day of kindergarten. And “only a little bit nervous”. ;)
We look forward to getting to know you this year.
Warmest Regards,
Finch & Ahdra
***
Dear Miss P and Miss S,
This is a quick note to let you know how excited (Zee) is to be joining your preschool class this year. As you may have already seen, Zee is a sweet, clever and slightly shy little girl who enjoys learning, reading books and playing with friends.
As you know, our family was formed through adoption. Zee was born in Ethiopia, located in the Horn of Africa, and was adopted as an infant, at the same time as her brother Boo, who was a toddler. Zee is keenly (sometimes painfully) aware of the differences in our family, unlike her brother. As such, we openly and frequently talk about adoption and race and transracial families, because she already has many questions and sensitivities regarding these issues.
On that note, and just as a point of reference, we thought it might be beneficial to provide you with some sample questions you may hear in the classroom, with answers suggested in the manner in which we talk about adoption to Zee.
Q: Why doesn't Zee look like her parents?
A: She was born in Ethiopia and her parents adopted her when she was a baby. Her parents are European American with vanilla skin; she is Ethiopian American with chocolate skin.
Q: Where are Zee's real parents?
A: Zee's real parents are the parents who are raising her, Finch and Ahdra. She also has birthparents in Ethiopia, who gave birth to her (we usually use the terms Africa Momma & Daddy).
Q: Where is Zee from?
A: She is from (this state). She was born in Ethiopia, but she is now a U.S. citizen.
Q: Did it cost a lot to adopt her?
A: This is like asking how much your parents paid for the doctor and hospital when you were born. In adoption, there are other costs involved, like fees to the adoption agencies, professionals, and attorneys to cover the legal and social work involved in completing an adoption.
Q: Why didn’t her first family want her? Didn’t they love her?
A: They probably loved her very much, but knew that they couldn’t take care of any baby at that time. They wanted Zee to be raised by a family that would love her and could take care of her forever. Adoptions always happen for grown-up reasons, and are never the result of anything a child does.
Q: Why didn’t Zee’s parents have babies the regular way?
A: Zee’s parents both worked overseas before they were married and they saw that there were many little children in the countries where they worked who didn’t have families to love and care for them. That made Zee’s parents very, very, very sad. So, after they got married, when they decided they wanted to start their family, they chose to adopt their children instead of have babies the other way.
Ultimately, we believe that families are created through love, respect, and caring and not solely through genetic connections. And that differences in families aren’t bad, they are just different; which is what we always seek to teach Zee. Thank you for helping us communicate this to her classmates as well.
Again, Zee is very excited for her first day of preschool in your room. We look forward to having you as her teachers this year and want to thank you in advance for all the hard work you do!
Warmest Regards,
Finch & Ahdra
