Last night at the park, Bagu had an accident. Not the garden variety, "oops-there's-some-pee-better-clamp-off-the-valve-and-find-the-facilities" that we deal with almost daily around here, but the "whoa-my-pants-are-soaked" kind, which, also, come at a mind-numbingly regular interval.
As irony always has it, I had just discussed with Finch a few nights ago that I was really trying to let go a little more (something I am an absolute zen master of) and jump off of the Freak Out Express when these significant accidents occur. So much for that. Seriously, I was embarassed of how furious I got this time.
He is a boy. Boy, is he ever a boy. He was in the orphanage much longer and therefore came predisposed to be totally comfortable in totally soggy britches. I understand. He's intense. He's crazy intense. He's curious. He doesn't want to stop playing, jumping, yelling, joking, dancing, running, hiding, hollering, laughing, riding, whistling, biking, climbing, throwing, investigating, whatevering. I get it. And still, I don't get it.
He has had several-week stretches, many, many times, where he is completely dry, so it's not like he is incapable of it. Mostly it seems to center around how interested he is in what is going on around him. As such, I highly doubt this is an adoption/attachment issue...other than the stuck-in-the-same-diaper-all-day thing. I think it has more to do with the intense/obstinate/high-energy personality trifecta than anything else, so we've tried the whole bag of tricks to cater to that mix. But, dude. It's been two years. The trick bag is empty.
You know what I hate the most about all of it though? How regularly I allow it pull me into the "I'm so effing angry with you right now!!!" mode. Yo...trust me, I know...exactly what you aren't supposed to do. I do actually remind myself that. To keep it in context, this isn't the only difficult or pervasive issue with him, unfortunately, and I just so desperately want to enjoy him more. He can be such a joyful and fun little dude. I try to rise above it every day, but every day I feel like I get another beat down.
I also feel completely lame, because, seriously? There are way, WAY worse problems than this. I am keenly aware of the struggles of close friends. And, besides, I don't think he is purposefully generating the accidents. At least not a majority of the time. What is it about potty training though that brings out the beast? Well, maybe not right away, but the ongoing struggle certainly stokes the raging fires, right? Right?
He is coming up on five years old this summer and lately I've felt as if we are moving further away from him being dry during the day. Nights? God help us all. Anyway...we'll keep on keeping on, but today, I am slap worn out.
Enduring is the name of the game in this adventure. Just plain enduring is underrated, but sometimes it's all you can do. We do a lot of it around here.
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